Choice and Dignity

Today.

Tomorrow.

Two days from now.

Two weeks from now.

Pain.

Discomfort.

Stress.

Humiliation.

Agitation.

Loss of autonomy.

Loss of control.

Loss of choice.

Loss of dignity.

Suffering is not noble.  

It is not courageous.  

It is not virtuous.  

It is not brave, gallant, gutsy or heroic.

Not for those who are the family caregivers of the dying, but most especially, 

Not for those who are dying.

Most of us choose to provide our pets a peaceful ending because we don't want to see them suffer. Why then, just why can't we as humans have the right to make the same decision for ourselves?

This entry is a different one than the others I've posted here before...it's a bit more hard-core real. This is a personal perspective on an experience many have had to live through, and now it's our family's turn. I'd like to share this with you to consider and think about. If you've not been in this kind of situation before, imagine yourself in our shoes...and the shoes of many others before us. Imagine...what kind of death would you want for your loved one. Or better yet, what would you want for yourself when you've been told and *know* you're going to die soon anyway?  

I know there are those of you that will disagree, primarily based on your religious beliefs. However, in my family, both my brother and sister agree with me whole-heartedly on this same thought and I know my mother would have wished to been offered a choice to make her own decision. In fact, she tried to make that decision for herself even when it wasn't offered. Unfortunately? She didn't succeed.

I do not believe and most emphatically concur that "any government or religious leader has the right to tell *me how long *I have to suffer." I am inserting *myself into this quote from Nancy Niedzielski from her husband Randy, who at the time living in Washington State and didn't have the choice. Before he died, he asked Nancy to help change that law. And as her last promise to him, she did.

Today, I watched How to Die in Oregon (Trailer), which beautifully presented the choice one could make to end their own lives when living was no longer bearable. When they knew they would be nothing but an emotional and financial burden upon others to care for them through the suffering that was to come. To offer the dying and their family and friends a positive and peaceful ending to cherish rather than the hell they would all have to endure otherwise. I would strongly encourage others to watch this amazingly personal and poignant documentary, available on Netflix.

The choices the subjects in the film were allowed to make for themselves is the same choice I wish my mother had available to her. For the past three days alone - and my sister and brother the two weeks before I - I have watched my mother's condition deteriorate rapidly. From our joking and teasing Wednesday afternoon when I arrived and she was happy to see me and craved a pastrami sandwich - to this morning when she cries in pain, is extremely agitated, doesn't want to be touched, wants no help with anything, demands water, and yells at me to shut up and leave her alone...all while I'm trying to assist with basic bodily functions, an action humiliating enough for her in and of itself. I really do know it's not mom saying all that, it's the disease...but you know what, it's still emotionally hard as hell to deal with sometimes. We've changed meds to try and help to more quickly alleviate the pain and help her sleep comfortably, and we will increase those with the pain reflected...because this the only palliative care we really have to offer at this point. We wish there had been another choice.

Death is a given...we will all die at some point.

However, because of various religious and political decisions that are all too often forced upon us regardless of our own personal beliefs, there is this taboo of talking openly about planning for death or about accepting that we might have any choice on how we would like to die with dignity. Therefore, there are only three states in this country that have Death with Dignity laws Oregon, Washington, and Vermont; and only 5 countries that have laws authorizing euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Albania & Switzerland. This testimony by Michael H. White, JD to the California Assembly Committee on Aging and Long Term Care made in February 2013 speaks the truth and I would wholly support any effort in California...or nationwide...to authorize a Death with Dignity law. If you would like to learn more about these laws or how you might be able to make a difference, please visit Death with Dignity

I would like to again encourage you to watch that movie.  Try to walk in our shoes, in Nan's shoes. Offering her the ability to make a choice for herself would not impede on anyone else's life.
Choice and dignity...that's what we all deserve.